there ought to be a law

There's no law specifically banning Christmas lights on a car, but there are laws banning flashing red, blue or amber lights, blue lights of any kind, any lights that are not white, clear, amber, yellow, orange or red, or white lights of any kind on the back of a car that is moving forward (except the light that illuminates the license plate).

There's really nothing in the general statutes about decorating a car. There are a few laws about modifying cars, but they're all about replacing engine or body parts (mainly the nasty trouble you will get in if you remove the serial numbers). However, there are lots of laws regarding load size and weight, that apply I think.

If my decorates can be considered a "load," they're allowed to extend a whopping three feet past the front of the car. Three feet! In the rear it's even better. The load can extend four feet past the rear of the car, or even further if I attach an orange flag and light. That sounds like a lot of hassle and I can't imagine I'll be putting anything four feet long on the back of the car.

The maximum height is pretty good too: 13 feet 6 inches. No way will undersea mah jongg ever get that tall. On the other hand, the restrictions from side to side aren't nearly so generous. The load can extend only six inches past the right fender, and not at all -- not even one inch -- past the left fender. Even though the side mirror sticks out several inches!

I'm going to have to ignore that one to some degree. Leaving the entire driver's side bare would ruin the whole effect. I guess I'll comply with the spirit of the law (if not the letter) by using only flattish decorations on the left side.

It didn't take that long to go through the motor vehicle statutes, and it's good to know what I can and can't do to keep undersea mah jongg street legal. I did have a bit of trouble finding the laws though -- spent some time fruitlessly scanning the North Carolina DMV web site. Eventually I found a page on safety inspections that listed a statute by number. Then I went to the General Assembly website and searched on that statute. That took me to a page with all the laws that apply to motor vehicles.

The weirdest law I found: It is a felony in the state of North Carolina to operate or possess a device in a car which produces unusual amounts of smoke, gas, or any other substance not necessary for the car's operation or maintenance. It's a felony not just to use such a device, but to have one in the car, whether it's attached or just inside the car. Does this mean it's illegal to transport dry ice machines to a theatrical production?

The law is called "smoke screens" and gives me a vision of the Dukes of Hazzard. What on earth happened that made them want to pass this law? Was there a rash of bank robbers who used oil sprayers and smoke screens in their getaway cars or something? Here's the statute:

ｧ 20-136. Smoke screens.

(b) Any person or persons violating the provisions of this section shall be guilty of a Class I felony.