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one life to live: a year of days, 2007

Another year of improbable storylines, gaping plot holes, over-the-top acting and days that last for weeks.

Strange time discontinuities are par for the course on soaps, but the last couple months of last year were particularly bad. I've heard that they film episodes three weeks before the air dates. And strangely enough, the crazy time problems started almost exactly three weeks after the writers strike began. I wonder if the writers are involved in editing the episodes together coherently? That would explain problems like it being simultaneously early morning in Texas and late night in Ireland. Or a character driving from New Orleans to Paris TX in the time it takes another character to go to the grocery store. Or the episode where it was explicitly the same day in Texas but a new day in Pennsylvania. (Did they relocate the international date line when I wasn't looking?)

When the strike started, I heard that the ABC soaps all had enough scripts to get them through January. Well, it's January, and I wonder what they're going to do? Have they hired scabs? Are the producers doing the writing? Are they allowed to do that? I tried to find out online but I'm 100% spoiler free which means I have to avoid any soap site with any actual information.

And now, on to the inanity!

  1. 1/2-1/5 New Year's Day. Jessica and Nash are trapped in the snow in a car. Cris starts a new career as a photographer. Jessica and Nash take shelter in an abandoned mine and are trapped in a cave-in. Evangeline takes a permanent job as assistant district attorney. John is released from the hospital. Claudia leaves Llanview to enter rehab. (She can hang out with Riley.) Jessica punches Nash. Bo, Asa, Matthew and Nigel play poker. Dorian gives Clint a pencil for Christmas. Marcie lets Blair hold baby Tommy. Asa goes to physical therapy at Serenity Springs. Nancy Pelosi bangs a gavel. Nash and Jessica get naked to stay warm. Blair collapses with a heart infection. Natalie cleans John's apartment. Nash and Jessica kiss. Bo hires Rex to spy on Todd. Antonio rescues Nash and Jessica. Blair flatlines. Todd yells at her and she recovers.
  2. 1/8-1/16 Evangeline buys Cris a computer. RJ! Evangeline and Cris have sex. RJ breaks up with Lindsey. John won't take his pain pills, so Natalie drugs his food. Cris' New Year's Eve photos are published in Mania magazine. Antonio hires Nash to manage Capricorn. Starr kisses Cole. Todd tries to cut Spencer's throat with a scalpel. Spencer gets a gun and takes Marty hostage. Starr and Cole are dating. Vincent has a new lawyer. Cris attacks Vincent. Spencer shoots himself and is recaptured. Another one of Vincent's warehouses is burned down. Jessica throws barware at Nash. Blair has last rites. Cris and Evangeline have sex.
  3. 1/17-1/30 Vincent's lawyer has a press conference. Addie! Blair wakes up. Natalie slaps Vincent. Rex forges a death certificate for Todd Jr. Spencer signs everything over to his lawyer. Todd asks Blair to marry him but Blair says no. Jessica gets naked in front of Nash in a steam room. Bo takes Antonio and Evangeline off the arson case. The cops search Cris' apartment. Natalie falls and sprains her ankle. Nash and Jessica kiss. John has a physical therapy session. Spencer kills his lawyer, drugs a cop, and escapes. John kicks Natalie out of the apartment. Rex tells Michael about Tommy's parentage. Spencer drugs Blair and pretend marries her. Asa and Renee's wedding anniversary. Someone kills Spencer with scissors. Rex looks guilty but it totally isn't him. Natalie stuffs her bra with crime scene evidence. Rex spends the night in jail.
  4. 1/31-2/7 Addie! Antonio questions Addie. John goes back to work. Nash drinks with Clint and falls off a ladder. Clint and Vicki go on a date; Clint gives Vicki a horse. Another one of Vincent's buildings is burned. Cris is arrested. Evangeline and Antonio quit their jobs, but they're only kidding. Rex is released from jail. John & Natalie have sex. Vicki falls off her horse and sprains her wrist. One of Antonio's buildings is burned too. Cris is released from jail. Vincent fires his lawyer. The lawyer is totally the arsonist.
  5. 2/8-2/12 Baseball player Tate Harmon speaks at Llanview High. Everyone gets a phone message from Dead Spencer, and meet Dead Spencer's new lawyer Jim Mulligan to watch a DVD of Dead Spencer. Dead Spencer gives boobie prizes to everyone and leaves his fortune to a formerly disabled guy named Miles. Nash and Jessica kiss, almost have sex but stop.
  6. 2/13-2/21 Jamie's birthday party. Blair resigns from the Sun. Fantasy episode. Miles breaks a mirror. Jessica breaks into Miles' room. The arsonist sets Nora's house on fire with Nora and Matthew inside. Asa and Nigel! Matthew goes to the hospital. Layla gives underwear to Nash. Jessica interviews Miles. Rex gives Todd the phony death certificate of Todd Jr. Todd trashes an elevator. Miles is Mitch Lawrence's brother. Evangeline and Todd kiss.
  7. 2/22-2/28 Cris breaks up with Evangeline. Blair gets a job singing at Capricorn. Nelly Furtado sings at Capricorn. Starr babysits for Baby Tommy. Jessica slaps Nash. Cris kisses Blair. Evangeline falls and lands on top of Todd. (No, really.) Nash and Jessica mack. The arsonist sets fire to Capricorn. Starr and Cole mack. John puts Michael and Rex in jail. The arsonist knocks out Talia (name? Beth Ann from Soap Star). Nash and Jessica declare their love. The roof falls in on Antonio and Nash. Renee! Nora throws her cell phone into a glass of bourbon.
  8. 3/1-3/7 Antonio is in the hospital. Cris fights with Todd in the hospital. Todd has Evangeline over for brunch and pays for her to have a massage. John releases Rex and Michael from jail. John arrests Dorian. John flies to someplace tropical and sees David. David!!! Nash is released from the hospital. Natalie confesses to Bo that she stole evidence. Natalie is fired from the forensics program. David confesses to killing Spencer. Marty falls and lands on top of Miles. (No, really.)
  9. 3/8-3/16 John and David return to Llanview; David is arrested. Asa! Lindsay gives family photos to Matthew and Nora. John catches Natalie hugging Vincent. Asa hired David to kill Spencer but refuses to pay. Todd gives Evangeline diamonds for her birthday. Nigel! David didn't kill Spencer. Adrianna hires Tate Harmon as an underwear model. Everyone is stranded at the Winter Festival. Blair, Marty, Evangeline and Layla share a room. Cris, Todd, Tate and Miles share a room. Starr, Cole, Langston and Brittany share a room. Cris and Todd fight. Rex and Adrianna have sex. Cole and Starr declare their love. Todd and Evangeline spend the night together but don't have sex. Starr and Cole spend the night together but don't have sex? Blair and Cris spend the night together and do have sex.
  10. 3/19-3/26 Marty catches Starr and Cole in bed together. Antonio comes home from the hospital. Foxy Roxy's is robbed. Nash quits his job at Capricorn. Vicki breaks up Clint and Dorian's date. The same guys rob the Palace restaurant. Blair is shot. Todd attacks Cris. Miles kisses Marty & Marty slaps him. Talia is knocked out by the arsonist again. Miles trashes his room.
  11. 3/27-4/2 Tate kisses Adrianna. Matthew has a cold. Marty enrolls Cole in military school. Todd pulls Starr out of school. Talia is hypnotised. Clint tosses Vicki over for Dorian. Cole and Starr run away from home. Antonio asks Jessica to adopt Jamie. Todd strangles Cole. Dead Spencer visits Miles. John and Natalie break up, then have sex. Starr and Cole break up.
  12. 4/3-4/6 I was wrong, the arsonist is a white supremacist. Roxy punches John. The hospital hires some guy named Douglas Klein. Clint and Dorian have sex off camera. Cole gets his ass kicked at the boxing place. Blair accidently knocks Cris out. Todd makes a date with Evangeline and then stands her up. Nora apologizes for being such a bitch, then acts like a bitch. Vicki has a date with Douglas Klein. The arsonist burns down Sean's grandpa's house. Jessica signs adoption papers for Jamie.
  13. 4/9-4/18 Todd and Blair go to Chicago. Rex fights with Tate. Marcie is producing "Oklahoma" at Llanview high. Nash leaves Llanview, almost. Jamie's adoption hearing. RJ! Nash leaves Llanview. Jessica refuses to adopt Jamie. Paige takes a job in Bhutan with Doctors Without Borders, then changes her mind. Jessica and Nash have sex at the quarry. Rex and Adrianna have sex. Rex goes to Chicago. Tate hosts a nightly sports tv show. Asa! Cole and Marty celebrate dead Patrick's birthday. Todd and Blair break into the adoption agency, get arrested and spend the night in jail. Antonio and Jamie stay overnight with Carlotta.
  14. 4/19-5/1 Todd and Blair are released from jail. Llanview High holds auditions for "Oklahoma." Jamie sees Jessica and Nash kissing. Tate appears on The View, jumps on a couch and screams about Adrianna. Sean's grandpa is cool. Bo and all the victims of the arsonist do a press conference. Tate kisses Adrianna. Jamie sneaks out and is hit by a car. Llanview High can't use "Oklahoma." Hey kids, let's use Langston's poetry to put on a show! Todd gets a photo of his baby. Rex flies home from Chicago in less time than it takes Adrianna to walk from the View studio to her car. Miles hires a prostitute named Jordan to teach him how to have sex. Natalie quits her job at the police station and takes a job at Buchanan Enterprises. Cole, Starr, Langston and Brittany all go to a party. Evangeline takes a pregnancy test, and is not pregnant. Jessica and Nash have sex on a desk at The Sun. Todd goes to a flophouse alone and gets stabbed. Cole and Starr dance at the party. Jessica collapses and is admitted to the hospital. Blair finds Todd's blood at the flophouse.
  15. 5/2-5/9 Brittany treats Henry like dirt. Again. Dorian goes to Chicago. John goes to Chicago. Rex meets Tate's ex-wife. Henry takes pills and crashes a car with Brittany, Starr, Cole and Langston inside. Henry dies. Jessica has Hepatitis C (HCV) because Tess took heroin. Blair, John and Dorian fly back to Chicago. Rex hosts an AIDS benefit at Ultraviolet. Rex outs Tate on TV. Tate slams Rex up against a wall. Not in a gay way.
  16. 5/10-5/23 Blair flies back to Chicago. Marty does grief counseling for the kids at school over Henry's death, then stays home from work. Baby Bree does not have HCV. Jessica has a liver biopsy. Miles meets Jordan the prostitute again. Brittany steals wine. Starr and Cole are the leads in the school musical. Natalie and Miles go on a "date" and kiss to make John and Marty jealous. Nash sneaks into Jessica's hospital room. The white supremacists trash Cris's studio, try to carbon monoxide poison Cris, Nora, Talia and Evangeline, and knock Lindsey on the head. Cole and Starr kiss. Jessica has liver cancer. Marty has flashbacks about killing Spencer. Adriana breaks up with Rex, then takes it back. Cris, Nora, Talia and Lindsey go to the hospital and are fine. Evangeline is in a coma and off the show. Yay! Jessica breaks up with Antonio. Cole and Brittany meet dead Henry's parents. Tate's dad arrives in Llanview. Antonio slams Nash into a wall and onto a table. Not in a gay way. Marty goes to Cherryvale for a lupus support group. Miles siphons gas from her car and pays thugs to attack her when she runs out of gas on the road. Blair flies back to Llanview. John makes Miles come to the police station so Miles isn't able to "rescue" Marty. Marty fights the thugs and chases them off. Nigel! Clint and Dorian have sex. Nash and Jessica kiss.
  17. 5/24-5/30 Tate, Tate's dad and Adriana are tested as donors for Jessica. Marty stays home from work. Antonio takes a leave of absence from work. Rex meets an old friend of Tate's. Cole takes Brittany out for her birthday. Blair and Starr go to the same movie Cole and Brittany go to. DAVID! Dorian visits David in jail. Antonio and Jamie go to Barcelona. Marty goes to therapy and says she thinks she killed Spencer Truman. Antonio is a match for Jessica's liver. Rex interviews an old buddy of Tate's. David! Marty visits David in prison. Adrianna breaks up with Rex again.
  18. 5/31-6/6 Miles has an appointment with Marty's therapist and steals Marty's audiotape. Nash goes to Barcelona in about an hour. Jessica codes. Nash, Antonio and Jamie fly back to Llanview. Miles blackmails and proposes to Marty. Nigel! Jessica and Antonio have transplant surgery. The white supremacist bombs the hospital. Marty and Antonio are injured. Brittany asks Cole to the prom. Nash performs surgery on Antonio. Tate is totally the arsonist. Marty and Miles fly to Las Vegas and get married.
  19. 6/7-6/12 Marty and Miles fly back to Llanview. Antonio codes. David! Baby Bree visits Jessica in the hospital. Nigel! Todd is alive, is unconscious, and has an open stab wound, still. John visits David in prison. Nash proposes to Jessica. Marty and Miles sleep together but don't have sex.
  20. 6/13-6/20 Adrianna and Tate have a breakfast date. Starr and Markko go to the prom together. Brittany and Cole go to the prom together. Langston goes to the prom alone. Marty confesses to John that she killed Spencer. Cris and Lindsey have a "real American" photo shoot for minorities. David! John gets David out of prison. Prom Night: The Musical. Dorian and David have a food fight and get food on Starr's dress. Starr has a blowout on the way to the prom. Bo and Talia stake out the art gallery. Brittany kises Cole. Starr walks to the prom in the rain, falls in the mud, and faints. Nigel! Starr goes to the hospital, then Vicki drives her to the prom. David is totally Asa's son. Blair and Marty have a pleasant conversation. Cole and Starr get back together. Markko and Langston win prom king and queen, and give the crowns to Starr and Cole. Tate's dad is arrested as the arsonist. But it's totally Tate. David stays overnight with John. But not in a gay way (I wish.) Tate stays overnight with Adrianna.
  21. 6/21-7/2 David does Tai Chi. In his underpants! Tate's dad pleads nolo contendere at his arraignment. Jessica is released from the hospital. I was right, the arsonist was Tate. Baby Bree walks. John visits Marty's shrink. Antonio serves Jessica with divorce papers. Natalie goes to work at BE. Lindsey, Rex and Marcie have a birthday party for Jen. David moves in with Vicki. Blair and Cris and Rex go to Chicago. Tate visits his dad in prison. Nora visits Tate's dad in prison. Lindsey babysits for Baby Tommy. Marty has a CAT scan. David kisses Vicki in front of Dorian. Opening night of Starr's play. Sarah Roberts is the girl who was hiding Todd in Chicago. In the time it takes Blair, Cris and Rex to fly to Chicago, Sarah's boyfriend drives Todd from Chicago to Llanview and dumps him at Miles' apartment. Miles dumps Todd in a storage room. Michael and Marcie have sex off camera. Blair returns to Llanview. Sarah spends the night at the police station.
  22. 7/3-7/4 Independance Day. Antonio comes home from the hospital. Miles doses Todd with heroin. Tate is fired by the tv sports show. Marty makes pancakes for Miles and Cole. Rex and Cris stay in Chicago with Sarah. Jessica and Nash have Marty and Miles over for a barbecue.
  23. 7/5-7/11 Miles talks to Spencer's ghost. Marcie can't have children. Cole finds Todd in the storage room. David teaches Vicki tai chi. Antonio and Jessica's divorce is final. Jessica collapses. Natalie and Vicki get manicures from Roxy. Miles blackmails Cole. Cris, Rex and Sarah return to Llanview. Jessica is rejecting the liver transplant. Miles stows Todd under a bridge. David is a match for Jessica's liver and demands $10 million for the transplant. Tate's dad is killed in prison.
  24. 7/12-7/27 Sarah spent the night in Rex's bed. Nash and Jessica get married in the hospital. A dog plays with Todd's head. Jessica and David have liver transplant surgery. Todd wakes up and walks around the park. Adrianna and Tate meet a funeral director. Marty confesses to killing Spencer. Cole confesses to knowing Miles kidnapped Todd. Todd eats garbage, finds a cell phone and calls Dorian. Marty and Miles are put in jail. Hunter knocks out Todd and moves him to a sleazy motel. Adrianna finds a racism medallion in Tate's bag and makes him throw it away. Blair and John search the park and question the guy whose phone Todd used. Tate spies on Layla and Vincent. Hunter pours liquor on Todd and puts a hooker in bed with him. John and Blair find Todd and the hooker and take him to the hospital. Vincent and Layla get back together. Renee helps Vincent plan a special date for Layla. Starr breaks up with Cole. Tate knocks out Vincent with a baseball bat and takes Layla, Adrianna and Rex hostage. Cole stays with Nora while Marty is in jail. David gives back the $10 million and leaves Llanview. (sob!) Nigel! Paige takes that job with Doctors Without Borders after all, and leaves Llanview. Todd sneaks out of the hospital and into jail to choke Miles. Thalia shoots Tate. Vincent saves Tate from falling off a ledge. Tate is arrested.
  25. 7/30-8/8 Marty is arrested for Spencer's murder. Starr and Cole get back together, and visit Marty in jail. Rex and Adrianna get back together and have sex. Miles' arraignment for kidnapping Todd. Sarah waits tables at Capricorn to work off her bar tab. Todd comes home from the hospital. Miles makes bail. Todd, Blair, Starr and Jack build a fort, have pizza and watch Starr's musical on DVD. Nora, Layla, Adriana and Talia have a Sex & the City evening.
    8/6-8/8 Blair spent the night at Todd's, platonically. Nigel! Adriana and Rex have sex, off camera. John and the cops search Rex's apartment. Hunter attacks Sarah and Cris with a knife. Nora and Cole throw out Miles' possessions. Miles moves into Vicki's carriage house. Hunter gets stabbed and dies. Todd visits "Evangeline"'s headless body. Layla and Vincent have sex.
    8/9-8/15 Marty's and Tate's arraignment. Tate pleads guilty. Tate is put in prison with a big black jewish guy. Marty pleads not guilty. Jessica comes home from the hospital. John figures out that baby Tommy is Todd Jr. Marty is held without bail. Cole, Starr, Langston and Marko trash an empty courtroom. John goes to confession and talks to his dead dad. Everyone else goes to Monte Carlo night. Nash and Jessica have sex. Cole, Starr, Langston and Marko play strip poker. Dorian and Vicki play poker; Dorian wins $10 million from Vicki. Langston and Marko roll around in whipped cream on Dorian's kitchen floor. Ew.
  26. 8/16 Asa dies.
  27. 8/16-8/17 Max, Cord, the good Kevin, the good Joey, (Nathan Fillion yay!) and Alex come to Llanview for the funeral. Vicki and Dorian get locked in the wine cellar. Max asks Blair to go to Argentina. I called it, David Vickers is Asa's son. Cord, Kevin, Joey and Vicki leave Llanview. Bo and Matthew fall asleep in the barn. No Asa montage! Fuckers.
  28. 8/20-8/28 Some guy named Jared Banks moves to Llanview with a biography of Asa. Antonio comes back to work. Miles' preliminary hearing. Marty's jury selection. Max leaves Llanview. Jessica and Nash have sex. Jessica and baby Bree go to London. Miles goes free on kidnapping & attempted murder, then pleads guilty to blackmailing Marty. Rex, Vincent, Layla and Adriana work out. Bo calls his badge "Mr. Shiny." Lindsey is named Llanview's Woman of the Year. John talks to Dead Spencer. Jared Banks tries to get a job from Natalie. Nash and Roxy and Jared Banks play poker with AC high rollers. For the first time in her life, Nora does not act like an arrogant ass. Lindsey killed Spencer. Nash loses everything to Jared Banks. Talia works vice squad. Antonio sells his share of the vinyard to Jared Banks. John arrests Lindsey. Miles opens Dead Spencer's bus depot locker and finds out that baby Tommy is Todd Jr. Todd chokes Miles and spits in his face.
  29. 8/29-9/11 Talia and Antonio paint Antonio's apartment. Nash borrows money from Clint. Marty is released from prison. Jessica and baby Bree fly back to Llanview. John arrests Todd for wanting his son back. Jessica and Nash have sex. Rex and Adriana have sex. Sean crashes Layla and Vincent's date. Adriana and Rex have sex again. Lindsey's arraignment. Todd escapes from his cell. Todd is re-arrested. Clint and Dorian have sex (off camera).
  30. 9/12-9/14 First day of school. Todd's hearing. Michael and Marcie meet their custody lawyer. John is suspended from work. Todd gets a suspended sentence. Baby Tommy gets a DNA test. Miles and Marty get an annulment. Marty and John kiss.
  31. 9/15-9/25 Baby Tommy's first court hearing. Natalie and Jared Banks spent the night together, but didn't have sex (we think). Blair attacks Rex. Jared Banks blackmails Jessica. Will comes to Llanview. Todd testifies. RJ! Adriana and Rex move in together. Lindsey's arraignment. Bo and Matthew go to Asa's ranch for the night. Todd tries to buy Baby Tommy for $10 million. Lindsey pleads guilty, confesses, has a mental breakdown and checks into Saint Anne's. Todd pays Blair $5 million to marry him. Jessica admits that Tess framed Jared Banks and sent him to prison for kicks, two years ago. Natalie gives Jared a job at BE.
  32. 9/26-9/28 Sarah moves in with Layla. Adriana moves in with Rex. Todd and Blair get married. Marcie's birthday. Jack is a new actor, who looks less goofy than the old Jack.
  33. 10/1-10/3 Bo returns to Llanview. Baby Tommy's custody hearing. Addie! Lindsey is catatonic. Except she's probably faking. Blair testifies. Starr testifies. Michael testifies. Sean poses as Talia's fake boyfriend George. Marcie testifies. Dorian hires Rex to find Langston's parents.
  34. 10/4-10/11 Jack throws up on Todd's shoes. Dorian slaps "catatonic" Lindsey and makes her wake up. Lindsey has amnesia. Langston's parents are dead. Marco declares love for Langston. Baby Tommy's custody is awarded to Todd. Timberland performs at Capricorn. Natalie pours a drink in Jared Banks' lap. Marcie kidnaps Baby Tommy. Langston stays the night at Dorian's house. Nora and Matthew decide to stay at the Buchanan mansion permanently. Jared tries to kiss Natalie and Natalie fires Jared. Marcie hides with her brother Ron in New Jersey.
  35. 10/12-10/22 Langston and Starr take the day off school. Todd and his goons search Ron's house in NJ. Jared moves in with Nash and Jessica. Child Services take Langston into custody. Clint declares love for Dorian. Natalie rehires Jared. Ron gives Marcie a new car and fake ID. John, Michael and Todd follow Marcie. Talia and Sean fake break up form their fake romance. Brittany leaves Llanview, for good I hope. The mean FBI agent arrests Ron, but Marcie gets away. Vicki sends email to her kids from a Parisian cafe, except she's totally lying because it's the middle of the night in France. Langston spends the night in a foster care group home. Jared and Sarah kiss. I called it, Vicki is working as a waitress as a diner in Paris, Texas. A cop stops Marcie and Baby Tommy, then lets them go. Nash deletes all Jared's shows from the DVR.
  36. 10/23-10/31 Halloween. Todd and Blair kiss. Michael is arrested for perjury. John and Todd follow Marcie together. Nigel! Nash and Jessica host a Halloween party for Baby Bree's little friends. Langston runs away from the group home. Blair applies to be Langston's foster mother. Jared moves into the Buchanan mansion. Marcie drives to Danville, VA, burns a letter from Ron and takes off her wedding ring. Jared and Sarah go on a date. Marcie drives to a gay bar in Decatur, GA and hides with Harvey, a friend of her gay brother Eric. Jared and Sarah mack to make Cris and Natalie jealous. Cris and Natalie mack to make Jared and Sarah jealous. The mean FBI agent, John and Todd follow Marcie to the gay bar, and Marcie pretends to be the world's shortest drag queen. Vicki meets her new love interest, Charlie. Roxy and Miles make balloon animals for kids as community service. Marcie performs in a drag show. Layla and Adrianna start a maternity lingerie line. My DVR conked out and I lost the 10/31 show. John somehow helps Marcie escape and he and Todd end up in jail. Someone in a Halloween costume is stalking Cole.
  37. 11/1-11/7 Blair and Marty go to Georgia and bail out John and Todd. Renee, Nigel, Clint, Natalie, Jessica, Nash, Sarah, Nora and Jared go to Texas for the reading of Asa's will. Bo doesn't go. Marcie drives to New Orleans and hides with the sister of one of the drag queens. The social workers have a home visit with Dorian, Starr and Langston. David! Alex visits David at a celebrity rehab spa. Blair's application to foster Langston is rejected, so Dorian applies to be Langston's foster mother. Blair, Marty, John and Todd follow Marcie to Louisiana and have a car accident. The Halloween costume stalker breaks into Cole's apartment, robs him, drugs him and kidnaps him. Blair, Marty, John and Todd spend the night at a hotel. Clint, Renee, Nora, Matthew, Nigel, Natalie, Jessica, Nash, Sarah and Jared go to Asa's ranch in Texas. Marty reveals that Patrick had been murdered. (yawn.) Todd and Blair mack, but don't have sex. Natalie and Jared mack, in Natalie's fantasy. David proposes to Alex. John and Marty have sex. Rex and Adriana have safe sex. Natalie and Chuck go for a walk.
  38. 11/8-11/13 Sarah and Cris mack, in Cris' dreams. Natalie and Chuck the groundskeeper pretend to have sex to make Jared jealous. The mean FBI agent shows up at the New Orleans family's house, but Marcie's already gone. Asa! Asa leaves a video message for his will. John goes to the New Orleans family's house. David has a pen in his pants. David and Alex sign a prenup. Asa apologizes to Clint and Bo for being a bad father. The mean FBI agent calls John "Trotsky" and puts a tracking device on his car. David and Alex get married at the celebrity rehab. Asa leaves his ranch to Chuck the groundskeeper, and his mansion to Nora. Starr, Markko and Langston break into Cole's empty apartment and find the death mask. Vicki goes on a date with Charlie to a drive-in movie. Halloween costume guy kidnaps Marty. (huh? it's a 19 hour drive from Pennsylvania to New Orleans.) In the time it takes Blair to go to the grocery store, and Asa to read his video will, Marcie drives from New Orleans to Vicki's cafe in Paris Texas. (Time is seriously screwed up in this episode.) Asa reveals that he has a long-lost son but Nigel won't say who it is. Asa gives his yacht and his island to Nigel, and makes the family all be on the board of BE. Marcie moves into Vicki's hotel. John returns to Llanview; Todd and Blair drive to Paris Texas. David and Alex come to Llanview. Dorian leaves Carlotta in charge of the kids and flies to Texas. David and Alex go to Texas. Jack goes to Savannah to stay with Cassie. Someone trashes Marty and Cole's apartment.
  39. 11/14-11/19 November 16 and day before Thanksgiving. David, Alex and Dorian stop at Vicki's cafe in Paris, TX. John steals evidence from Marty and Cole's apartment. John slams Miles against a table and a wall, but not in a gay way. Marty and Cole are in a cell in Ireland. Nash punches Jared. The mean FBI agent return to Llanview and search Michael and John's apartments. The mean FBI agent sucker punches John (he's not so bad after all!). Charlie is Jared's father. Clint and Nora go horseback riding. Dorian, David and Alex go to Asa's ranch. Dorian sees Clint and Nora kissing. Natalie and Jared mack. Todd and Blair drive to Paris TX and stay at Vicki and Marcie's hotel. Dorian and David have sex in the Buchanan ranch.
  40. 11/20-11/28 Thanksgiving. Sarah returns to Llanview. Nigel and Chuck tie up Alex and keep her in the barn. Clint walks in on Dorian and David. Clint breaks up with Dorian and pulls a shotgun on David. Todd and Blair visit Vicki's cafe, then go back to Llanview. Rex and Adriana have sex in Rex's dream. RJ! RJ visits Lindsey. Rex and Adriana host Thanksgiving dinner for Vincent and Layla, Roxy and Miles and Michael. Carlotta hosts Thanksgiving dinner for Cris, Antonio, Jamie, Talia, and Sarah. Vicki's cafe hosts Thankgiving dinner for the waitresses, Vicki and Charlie. Marcie calls Michael. RJ and Antonio shake hands. John and the mean FBI agent fly to Ireland. Alex leaves David. Alex backs over Dorian with her car and leaves her lying in the bushes outside the Buchanan ranch. Vicki and Charlie break a wishbone. Cris and Sarah mack. Jared steals a lock of David's hair. Antonio and Talia kiss. David goes to Vicki's cafe and sees Vicki. The Buchanans all leave the ranch. Charlie shows up at the ranch and finds Dorian in the bushes. One of the waitresses hits David with a frying pan. David stays in Vicki's motel room. Dorian and Charlie fly to Llanview.
  41. 11/29-12/4 Todd pulls a knife on Michael. Somehow it's morning in Llanview and nighttime in Ireland at the same time. John and the mean FBI agent shoot two IRA guys, then are captured. Nigel pretends Jared Banks is Asa's son. Charlie is really Jared's father. Jared uses David's hair sample to do a DNA test. Todd and Starr post missing person profiles online for Tommy and Cole, with a $million reward for each. The IRA people drive away in a van with Marty and Cole. The mean FBI agent shoots the tires of the van and it goes over a cliff. Michael is a new actor. Marcie smashes a phone. David blackmails Marcie for $1 million, then lets her go. Charlie and Michael get drunk. The van blows up with Marty inside. Marty is "dead."
  42. 12/5-12/11 (maybe? same day in Texas, new day in Llanview) Cole and John fly back to Llanview. Charlie spent the night at Michael's apartment. Dorian becomes Langston's foster mother. Michael blows off his perjury hearing and goes to Texas with Charlie. David goes to Llanview. It's simultaneously daytime at La Boulee and nighttime on the docks. Vicki goes to Llanview. John chokes and beats up the mean FBI agent. Cole grabs the mean FBI agent's gun and shoots Miles. Todd and Blair kiss. Dorian and David kiss. Miles goes to the ER. Michael is arrested in Texas for jumping bail and returns to Llanview. The mean FBI agent pulls a gun on Starr and Langston. David leaves Llanview and the show, again. Charlie gets drunk. Miles has surgery.
  43. 12/12-12/17 Marcie starts waitressing at the diner in Paris TX. Charlie is still drunk. John falsely confesses to shooting Miles. Starr and Langston hide Cole at Langston's house. Bo and the mean FBI agent question Miles in the hospital. Vicki returns to Paris TX. Jared's phony DNA test comes back. Jared kisses Natalie. Evangeline is moved to Silver Spring MD. Roxy confesses love to Miles, but he's unconscious. John and Natalie get drunk and have sex.
  44. 12/18-12/24 Christmas Eve. Noelle and Mo at the diner enter a pie bake off. Charlie is still drunk. Michael hires Rex to find Marcie. Marcie writes a Christmas card to Michael and then rips it up. The pie judge chokes and Marcie gives him the Heimlich. Talia requests a transfer to another town. The diner people get into a pie fight and Marcie gets fired. Rex goes to Paris, TX. RJ! The Mannings celebrate Christmas early. Nora is Cole's legal guardian. Michael is released from jail. Todd renames Baby Tommy "Sam." Todd goes to Texas. Rex and Gigi the diner waitress were highschool sweethearts. Rex is totally Shane's father, except that Shane is about 5 years too old. Charlie is sober. Dorian hosts a Christmas party for the Kramer women. Vicki and Charlie mack at the drive-in. Layla and Vincent go to Maryland to see Evangeline. Blair and Adriana catfight. Addie! Addie isn't crazy anymore. Jessica pretends to be Tess. Charlie and Vicki have sex, off camera. It snows in Paris, TX. Rex buys Marcie's engagement ring from Gigi.
  45. 12/26-12/31 Boxing Day and New Year's Eve. (And also sort of Christmas Day, huh?) Rex returns to Llanview. Cris goes to Maryland. Addie breaks into Dorian's safe and hires a masseur. John suckerpunches Jared. Rex and Adriana get engaged. Cris visits the back of Evangeline's head. Addie disappears. Michael's hearing happens off-camera; he gets probation only. Todd and Ramsey (the mean ex-FBI agent) arrive in the diner in Paris TX. Cole and Jared play Playstation games. A no-name band (literally; they don't have a name) perform at Capricorn. Vincent, Layla and Cris return to Llanview. Sean hooks up with a trainer from the gym. Adriana gives Marcie's ring back to Michael, but doesn't call off the engagement. Everybody kisses. Starr, Langston, Cole and Marco play charades (huh?). Antonio and Talia start a romance. Cris and Sarah start a romance. Clint and Nora start a romance. Miles and Roxie do not. Vincent buys Lindsey's art gallery. Rex and Adriana have sex.
Posted by Sarah on January 3, 2008 4:01 PM | | Comments (0)

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