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I got a letter a few days ago telling me how to do online poll worker training. It's not a substitute for the in-person training, which is mandatory. I'm really glad, though, to have an opportunity to learn this stuff at my own pace before the training session on Thursday.

The online training is really thorough, and kind of sobering. Before I had been thinking of this whole experience as to some degree just a lark, something fun to do on election day. Watching the training has made me realize how much is at stake and how important it is not to, you know, screw up democracy.

There are five parts to the online training: preparation, setting up the voting area, the voting process, voters with disabilities, conflict management, and breaking down the voting area. The ones on setting up and the voting process are a bit intimidating because there's so much to know. I hope they cut new poll workers some slack and assign us to the less complex tasks, or pair us up with someone more experienced.

The ones on disabilities and conflict management mainly boil down to, in the words of Wil Wheaton, "don't be a dick." Example instructions include not to pat a voter in a wheelchair on the head, or not to grab a voter with a disability and try to "assist" them across the room without their permission. Wow, it's kind of sad that they need to tell poll workers that. Still I'm glad they included that in the training. I'm sure they don't want a bunch of idiots condescending to voters with disabilities and making them feel uncomfortable about voting.

The conflict management instructions are old hat to anyone who ever worked a customer service job. Be friendly to voters and if they're having a problem, treat them like you're sorry and you want to help them fix it. Again, it's kind of sad that they need to instruct poll workers not to be assholes to voters. Maybe they get a lot of people who never had to wait on people for a living. There's a hilarious list of phrases we're not to use, like "What is your problem?" and "What do you expect me to do about it?"

Last night I worked on the training while listening to Sean's all Nature Boy mystery show. Which was kind of hilarious when the training videos started up. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn .... " "In this session you will learn your responsibilities and obligations as a poll worker." This afternoon I listened to Illinois Street Lounge, which actually worked really well. It added that perfect something-something to listen to "Happy Go Lively" or "Patricia" while watching goofus/galant videos of voting scenarios with bad vs. good attitudes. If only we could listen to that kind of music on Election Day!