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I present the best fan letter ever:

[Note to the humor impaired, this letter is not a real complaint; it's from someone I know. Someone really, really funny.]

Dear Everyone,

As a opponent of violences and sexualitys on the stage, the printed page, and pretty much anywhere, II listened to last week's program on this so-called Sarah Ovenalls' "Divaville lounge" radio program.

It wasn't no good at all. It was TERRIBLE. She just got her poor old daddy onto it just to make him spill secrets that are best kept PRIVATE in The American Family. He has obviously gone so senility that he dint' know what she was up to, or he would of walked off in his right mind. Plus, she had a sassy mouth on her to him half the time, which I did NOT appreciate. I was raised to RESPECT poor old veterans.

Maybe she would like it better if we were all talking "High Hitler!" nowadays? I bet that would suit her just fine. But it woudnt' go over in North Carolina, so she better stop trying.

My sister, as a nursing mother, brought her baby over that afternoon, and that poor, innocent little thing cried all the way through that awful radio program of the so-called "Sarah Ovenall" hostess.

Which I should think more than proves my point.

My other #2 big point is how she just played old records, which costs nothing. She wont' even spend the money to play something new, because that would cost her nasty program MONEY (which she willnot pay, because she is so cheap. Lord knows what shell do when she hears they're having a blue-lite sale down to the Kmarks this weekend. It may be time for her to go on down there and buy her another pair of THREE DOLLAR SHOES that she thinks is cute, but itSNOT.

The main thing is how she tries to get attention on her radio program. she goes on and on in that way she thinks is "sexy" for the boys and you know she just wants everyone to listen to it and say "Wow! She is so great! I want to be her friend!" (like she is neat and cool and wasn't evil?)

But I wont' and, you shouldn't neither.

The People need to get their voice heard and have that thing shut down. she is just trying to get attention (and you can bet good money she wants it to be from boys so they will think shes' cool). She acts like the NPRs' Peoples' Pharmacy program, to, whicb tries to get you hooked on drugs and buy their mind-control books, instead of going to a REGULAR church and getting your healing there, like normal.

Write a letter to the paper and get her radio program shut down. It presents a image of us that makes americans look like Slaves of Unnatural Appetites and ignernt. that's all on top of the racism and homophobicas and misgyinsties in the whole thing. She is worst than Hilary Clinton.

My #3 point is how we can shut it down. Just let folks know not to listen to it. Tell them it is terrible. The reason it is on the FM radio-dial is, that stands for "Foolish Mutterings" (Proverbs, 19 & 12).

It also says (in Pauls' letters to the Sopihisticals) "LEAVe the presence of the FOOL! for there you will not find no word of KNOWLEDGE!"

How many of you gone tell I am right on THAT!!!!! How many of you gone raise your hand and say "Rev. Terry? I know a radio program that is 110% IGNERT!"

Listening to her radio program gone turn your heart black on you. Rot it out from the inside. She should of called it "DEVIL-ville Lounge"! Many of the so-called songs are nasty and unnappropriate in The Family Home.

I know I am right on that.

The Peoples need to stand up and shut that thing down.

Yours in Anger,

The Rev. Dr. David Terry (clean bachelor)
Church of the Holy Macadamia